I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i wish my penis had a tongue
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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