your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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