Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I would fuck him just for his dog
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
