I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
