the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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