Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
