let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
