I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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