I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
