Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
