Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
