I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
