There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
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