Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
