why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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