I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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