: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
