Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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