I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
