you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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