guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
