Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
