He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
