Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
