im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
