Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
