fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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