it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
