found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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