um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
