I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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