Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
