We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
