i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
im holly from the hills drunk
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
