p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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