Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
