So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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