Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I want to have your abortion
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
