shes about as inviting as chlamydia
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
