Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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