the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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