He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
