Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
