Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We talked him into tasing himself.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
