how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
