I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
