We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
