i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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