Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i dont even know how to be here
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
