She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
